It's True... I'm Moving Back to Cincinnati!

Last June I made the decision to move to Texas. At that point in my life I felt it was the right decision for my life, and I still feel that way today.

I decided to move for various reasons including:

• Jump starting my career and setting myself up better financially 
• To claim independence 
• To remove myself from a very toxic situation 
• To remake myself 
• To learn what it meant to rely more on the Lord and less on people 

All of the above reasons listed I would never have been able to do if I had continued to live in Cincinnati, at that time. When I moved I knew ultimately I would be back but I needed to get away to grow. 

Over the past two to three months I have been feeling a tugging to come back home. Something I have been praying for since last August. Yes, I realize I moved down last July but I have been ready to come home for over a year now. 

I began praying for the Lord to deliver me very quickly. He didn't, and I am thankful for that. I came to the point where I knew I needed to be in Texas but I didn't know for how long. I knew it wouldn't be forever because my heart was never here. 

Though my heart may have never been here, I still found happiness. I found great friends, amazing coworkers, beautiful scenery, and an adventure I wouldn't trade for the world. To leave all of the great people that I have met and now love is the hardest part of the entire process. 

I am so incredibly thankful for the opportunity that I was given and the ability to meet such wonderful people. I am truly a people person and I wish I could pack up everyone I've met and bring them back home with me! However, I know that's not possible and coming down for visits once a year or so will have to do.

I also have been blessed with an amazing team, coworkers and boss. I  know my work experience at First American Payment Systems is something that I will cherish for the rest of my life. I'm not a mushy person, but I truly thank God that I was given the opportunity to work with some amazing people. I plan to take everything I've learned from them and apply it to my professional and personal life. 

Texas has grown me in a way that I will never be able to express and will always remain thankful for; God has taught me so much and I know it's changed me for the better as a person. I also recommend everyone taking a year away if at all possible - your life will be better for it. 

This is truly a bittersweet departure. I hate to tell everyone goodbye but, I know I am not needed here and am needed back home, where my heart is. 

From the time of seriously looking to move and accepting the position the entire process took less than a month. I've never found a job so quickly especially while being out of state and in Ohio! I know that the Lord was in on this because the timing is absolutely perfect. He has answered my prayers in His time reminding me of Isaiah 55:8 and that His thoughts are not mine - but my thoughts are not great, and His are greater and perfect. His timing is perfect and better than any thing I could have ever planned on my own. 

I will be working for EW Scripps assisting in the sales department. I would not like to go into greater detail about this at the moment. 

I'm looking forward to this new season of life! 

What I've Learned From Living in Texas

It's been 11 months since I've lived in Texas. I wanted to wait a year before I wrote this post but I'm feeling eager and like now is the right time to share. 

In the past 11 months I've learned a lot of little things along the way and a few major things that I've truly needed to learn. Today, I'd like to share the five most important lessons I've learned. Not in vanity but to hopefully help others learn, too.

Here are the five biggest life lessons I've learned these past 11 months:

1. I am poorer now than I was before 

I partly moved to Texas to earn more and to gain more financial freedom. I am now making 35% more and have gained more "financial wealth" but have lost the wealth I value most, people. 
I've always stated that life isn't about things it's about people - but I have never truly lived it until now. 
Removing yourself from 95% of the people you love has made me realize that I was a truly wealthy woman - and I truly know with all my heart that my life is meaningless when I have things but don't have anyone to share them with. 

2. God truly answers prayers 

I've suffered a lot, hit lows I've never hit before, been angry and volatile, even resentful but I've seen my God's forgiveness in action and watched how He's heard my prayers and answered them. He's answered every one of my prayers - all in His perfect time and not mine. Watching Him work in my life has truly built a deeper and stronger relationship with the One I've needed to grow in all along. 

3. What I want 

Living near 99% of my family and friends and hearing all the various opinions on what people think I should want, or telling me what I want really began to take its toll on me. Some people may have been right but I didn't want to be told what I wanted. I wanted to learn what I wanted. Separating myself, and using the majority of my time here alone has given me the space I've needed to learn what I want. I know what I want for my future, who I want to be and exactly what I want to become. 

4. More of who I am 

I don't think it's fair to state I know fully who I am. I think we spend our whole lives learning who we are. In every trial and difficult time we learn we're more capable of what we ever thought before. I've faced some ugly times in the past 11 months, and I have learned more of who I am through those times. I've learned more about who I am and less about what people have always told me I was. 
Having no outside forces telling you their opinions of you allows you to truly learn who you really are. 


The last thing that I've learned, has been the hardest to learn yet the most profound and important lesson of all. 

6. When I am no longer the youngest in my family I will be okay 

Aside from my siblings I've always been the youngest in every family dynamic. I've always been the baby of every group - a bossy baby nonetheless but truly the youngest. 

And, if you know me, you know that I have always struggled with horrific anxiety. I've been known to cry randomly because I start worrying about something that could happen in twenty years. I spend nights laying awake worrying about my unborn children - praying they'll be okay, worrying that I will fail them. I can't tell you how many times I've made myself ill worrying about Austin and Bella. I don't even sleep well because I have nightmares about my loved ones dying. I am riddled with anxiety and try hard to keep it at bay. 
I say all of this to introduce my biggest fear and the most profound lesson I've had to learn. I am painfully afraid that when I am left as the matriarch of my family, when I am 90 years old like my great grandmother with five generations below me I will not be able to do it as well as those who have taught me. 
I fear that when I am left alone to lead my family I will fail, I will not leave the same legacy I have... and now I've been fearing this less. 

Being physically separated from all of the women who have invested in my life has taught me that all of their love, wisdom and teachings will never go anywhere. When people are no longer with my physically their love will remain, their wisdom will be remembered, and their legacy will be continued. 

Though I do not want to think of that day, I know when it comes I am going to be okay.  I not only will always have my God with me always supporting me, loving me and carrying me through but I will have the promise to see them again, and hopefully see my offsprings again as well. 

I've truly learned everything is going to be okay, because life isn't in my hands but in my creators. 

Why I'm Going to STOP Saying I'm Self Confident and START Saying I'm Christ Confident

In the past few weeks I've heard a few messages where pastors tell people not to be self-confident. When I hear a pastor say this I usually am taken off guard and am upset; I hate when pastors tell people not to be self-confident. Not because I love pride but because I think we're missing an important point in being confident, in ourselves through Christ - aka Christ confidence.

Whereas I understand where they are coming from, I think telling an individual that struggles with insecurities and confidence they shouldn't be self-confident exacerbates issues that a naturally confident person won't face. For me, I need a big old slice of humble pie but for others they need lifting up.

When you tell a person to only focus on how we are dirty as rags, sinners and deserve nothing but the firey pits of hell (although completely true) and they're already hating themselves this can breed insecurity. Insecurity, can cause an array of issues that can affect a Christians spiritual life.

People who are insecure are more likely to:

• Put others down - we're called to encourage one another 1Thessalonians 5:11
• Hate themselves - We're to love oneanother as ourselves and we can't do that when insecure John 15:12
• Not try for their dreams because of fears - God has a plan for us, and we need the confidence to live out our goals Jeremiah 29:11
• Have increased anxiety - God tells us to be anxious for nothing Philippians 4:6 
• Physically harm themselves - Our bodies are temples that God commands we take care of 1 Corinthians 6:19
• Have a substance addiction - In other words, have an idle we're looking to help us when God should be our help Exodus 20:3 
• Try and conform to the world for approval - We're told to not be conformed to this world but to be transformed Romans 12:2 
• To struggle with jealousy - We're not to compare ourselves to others Galatians 6:4
• Commit Suicide - We are bought with a price, our lives are not our own, they're God's and we belong to Him 1 Corinthians 6:20 

Simply put, being insecure also leads to major sin. We're questioning if God was right in making us they way we are and giving us the lives He has. God is NEVER wrong and He knew what He was doing when He made you. We can be hurt, and angry (and sin not). David was weak, and we are all weak at times. In our weakness we're to lean on Him and let Him pick us up. 

Pride is equally a sin and can equally cause just as many if not more issues in a Christians life. And, when a pastor warns about being self-confident they're in love telling us we cannot do anything without Christ. It's true, everything we do is in Christ, without Him we cannot do anything. Nothing comes from ourselves, everything comes from Him.

However, our limited vocabularies leave us saying, don't be self-confident because that makes you proud and The Lord hates pride. But, it also leaves us without the encouragement to live a lovely life with Christ. We know how not to be but not how to be. 

Being Christ-Confident allows an individual to be confident in God's promises for our lives while remaining humble. It's the balance between pride and despair. 

People who are Christ Confident know: 

• They are wanted - Jeremiah 1:5 
• We are fearfully and wonderfully made - Psalm 139:13-16
• Through Christ, they can do anything - Philippians 4:13
• There is a purpose to their lives and it's for His glory! - Isaiah 43:7 
• How to feel the love that God commands us to give to others - 1 John 4:9-11
• When we delight in God, He'll give us the desires of our hearts - Psalm 37:4
• They can be brave in their faith and live without fear of man - Ephesians 6:19
• God is enough and they have everything they need and don't want - 2 Corinthians 12:9
• God will provide everything they need in life - Matthew 6:24-34

Christ-confidence is the balance we need. See, we're all so loved and we're all so wanted but we're all so undeserving. If we focus on how loved we are and never on our faults then we can become proud. If we focus on how worthless we are we can live a hopeless life. 

God IS enough, only He can provide the life we want, and only with Him can we do anything and have anything. If you're reading this God cared enough to make you, He's blessed you enough with the education to learn how to read what I've typed, gave you the finances to afford an electronic device to read this and so much more. Let's not discredit all of the little blessings we have and how much He loves us. 

Stay balanced, know you are loved and know  you are not worthy but with Christ you are FREE! Let's live free - free from pride and free from despair! 

How to Handle Being Forgotten

In college I became really interested in the field of Family Communication. It was by far my favorite class throughout my entire college career. It was something I was highly interested in and it became one of the few classes that I continued to read research on for years afterwards - actually I still enjoy reading new research.

My nerd obsession has caused me to over analyze my entire life and family and I'm not exactly sure that it's the best interest for me to have. When I look back on my childhood and analyze it - the best memories don't always come to surface. I wish I could say I had the support I needed all along, and I wish I could say that I had a truly care-free childhood. I really wish that I could say a lot of things but I can't.

But, the ONE thing I wish more than anything I could say is that I wish I wasn't always forgotten about. And, I say this because it's one of the many things that has rolled over into adulthood and still causes pain today.

I've always been one that's been quick to forgive so I never really minded when people said things that they didn't mean or did things they shouldn't have done. Sure, there were scars created and left but forgiving things like that aren't really that hard for me to do.

But, being forgotten - that's not as easy to forgive and that creates a whole different level of pain. It's not that a person was just having a bad day and they messed up by saying something they shouldn't have. I mean really, who hasn't said something they shouldn't have before? But, being forgotten that is different - you feel a certain level of worthlessness that's hard to recover from.

It's even worse is when it comes from a parent. Especially when it continues on into adulthood and it becomes a theme of your life to be the "forgotten one". I'll say it a million times over, being forgotten about is way worse than any other form of disappointment. Anger is quick to surface and quick to end, physical pain is merely temporary but being neglected that lasts a lifetime.

I spent my entire childhood riddled with the pain and trying to cope. It wasn't easy and I was always unsuccessful. It wasn't until I was 17 that I finally found the cure for being forgotten. But, it wasn't until I was 24 that I allowed the Cure to do His thing.  

When I was 17 I surrendered my life to Christ - and trust me, that wasn't something I ever foresaw in my future as a child, but it's the best decision I have ever made for my future as an adult. God has brought me great comfort in these past 7 years and every day I am in awe of what He has done for me.

But, sadly, it wasn't until the other night that I for first time really allowed  God to come in and comfort my pain of being neglected. I for the first time in my life, felt the peace that came from my Father - the one who has NOT forgotten me. The one who loves me, and the one who wants me.

For whatever reason I have chosen to hold on to that pain and let it eat away at me. I have limited God - I have let Him have control in some areas of my life but not in all. And it wasn't until I was finally too exhausted, too torn and too weary that I finally let what I should have been letting all along. I let the PEACE that passeth all understanding fill my heart, my mind and my soul. I surrendered all my problems and I even gave up my biggest problem that I've so stupidly held onto all these years.

And since then, I have almost felt like a fool because I've kept such a beautiful, peaceful joy from my life. I've prevented something so wonderful with such a proud spirit.

So, I am here today with a humble heart and a humble spirit to tell anyone who's reading that if you're feeling forgotten about and unwanted - you do have a Father that loves you. You were created with a specific intent. And, "though my Father and Mother forsake me the Lord will receive me." Psalm 27:10

If you're looking to feel the love that you so deserve just stop searching and just start crying out. It's taken me 24 years to learn to just stop and I hope I can help someone learn this precious lesson much sooner in life. He loves you, you are wanted and He is enough!

And for those who don't understand my picture - it's of the movie Matilda, it was the one movie I related to more than anything in my childhood! I definitely recommend watching!

Confessions of a Selfish Person

I like to read a few books at a time. A lot of the Christian based books I read often offer a lot of powerful content and I like to read a chapter a day so I can reflect on that chapter each day. Because of only reading one chapter a day, I read multiple books, because I like learning multiple things in one day.

Quote from A Love Worth Giving by Max Lucado

Recently, I've found myself very upset with loved ones because I felt like I've been wronged. And, to be honest, I still feel there were injustices that took place - but that's neither here nor there. With my recent episode of feeling pain, and living as a single woman around very few family members I've become increasingly self centered.

Today, A Love Worth Giving and The Meaning of Marriage, two of the books I'm reading spoke on self centeredness. Typically my books don't coincide like that, and when they do, I feel it's time to listen. Additionally with recent events that have taken place in my life, I felt it was wise to listen to what scripture had to say.

"Love is patent, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." 1 Corinthians 13:4-6

Catch that little line in the middle... "it is not self-seeking". That hits me hard, and I am sure many others. I am guilty of being a self-seeking individual. My childhood was primarily spent in survival mode. I was surrounded by many that loved me, and I knew it; but, with all of the love I was abundantly showered with there was never much guidance. I was surrounded by people that would have given their lives for me, but they lacked maturity and the level of responsibility a child needs.

I spent many years watching people I love ruin their lives, act foolishly and completely neglect their responsibilities and often times the responsibilities associated to me. I spent years being provided every material item I ever wanted but never the emotional support I needed. I had to look out for me or else no one else would.

Those years of survival mode formed many great characteristics that I am thankful to have. I'm incredibly resourceful, relentless, persuasive, adaptable, and I very well may have a will power stronger than any other person I have or will ever meet. But, with the good comes the bad, the bad of the survival mode is that I have not ever been able to fully leave that mode and I've become incredibly selfish. When presented with difficulties my self-centeredness is off the charts; because, self-preservation is the only way I have ever known to survive.

In the past few months my selfish behavior has hurt many that I love. I watched and listened to the anger that arose from my behavior. I hurt feelings of people who love me because I had my own agenda and there was nothing that could be done to stop it. And, then, I felt guilt, much guilt and apologized but stayed mad at myself for letting myself hurt people that I care about.

With others, I remained quiet and grew angry that didn't behave how I expected them to. I let myself get angry over events that weren't anything, and situations that could have been talked about reasonably and calmly. But, people didn't do what I wanted them to do and as a result I grew silently angry. I waited to ambush with an attack that was created in my head.

I grew so angry that I hurt one of the people I love most. I was ruthless because I thought I deserved to be. At no point in any of these past few months did I ever put the other peoples feelings and their circumstances into consideration. I did not practice empathy, I practiced selfishness. I never put another first.

And when I left that person completely speechless I knew I had gone too far. I knew that my selfish actions had caused damage I truthfully never wanted to cause. I finally snapped out of my selfishness but only after it was too late and I had inflicted pain I can't take back. I have felt terrible for weeks over this. Now, I'll have to spend a good amount of time removing the wedge in the relationship that I created all in a matter of two hours I was able to cause enough damage that will take weeks to repair.

I did not do as Paul said, I was not humble and did not serve others over myself.  I did not act out of love, I acted out of pride. 1 Corinthians is very clear about what love is and how it behaves, yet I wasn't doing any of it. Jesus himself said, "A new command I give you: love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another." John 13:34 Without love we have nothing, yet I wasn't following what I had been commanded to do and what Jesus so highly values. His love is never selfish, His love was always kind and His love was not the love I was showing.

Sadly, I know I am not the only person on this planet that has had to deal with the repercussions of being selfish. I am not and will not be the last person that will ever hurt another out of selfishness. Oh, no, selfishness is something everyone struggles with. Sadly, I have a feeling everyone reading this can relate to the pain and guilt felt from hurting someone else because of self centered behaviors.

So, if you're reading this and you are one of the people I have hurt due to my selfish ways, I am sorry. I am sorry from the bottom of my heart. I wronged you, and you didn't deserve to suffer from my sin. I hope that you can find it in you to forgive me.

And, if you're reading this and I haven't wronged you and you're wondering where I am going with all of this, here's where I am going, evaluate yourself and your situations. If you're mad at someone, if a relationship you care about is failing, if you're genuinely unhappy look at your life and find the selfishness in it and rid yourself of it.

Instead, join with me, and today decide that you too will start sacrificing your wants for others. Decide with me to start moving forward into a life filled with the joy God has intended for us, and not the bondage we create for ourselves.

Selfishness is like an emotional cancer that will ruin our lives and has been the cause of ending many lives throughout history. Let's start loving how Jesus loves, how we are supposed to love and take back the joy that selfishness has robbed all of us for years of.

How to Handle Rejection

In life we all tend to be a pro in something. I, personally, have become a pro at being rejected.
Typically I refrain from posts like these because I am not much a fan of being viewed as a victim and I absolutely hate when people do things for me out of pity.
But, I've been struggling with the pain that comes from rejection a lot the past month, and I know that I am not alone. I also know this pain can be one of the most hurtful pains an individual can feel and a lot people are afraid to express their pain to others. So, it is out of my desire to let others feel they're not alone and to help as many people as I can I've decided to write on this topic.

When it comes to rejection, I've experience a LOT of it over my life time. In fact, I deal with the pain of feeling rejected every single day of my life. Every single day I have to fight off the horrid thoughts that come with and rise above.

Not every day is bad but everyday I fight the demons off to some degree nonetheless. I've dealt with rejection that I've realized in the end was for the better. Rejection like, not getting the jobs I so desperately wanted; but in the end realized that they weren't the right fit for me after all and I ended up right where I was supposed to be all along. This rejections is the easiest to overcome, because with patience and a little bit of time you see the good in being rejected from something you wanted. At first it hurts, but this rejection prepares you for other rejections and allows you to see the good in a bad situation. I don't so much mind this form of rejection as I do the others.

I've dealt with the rejection that comes from a family member that should love you, reject you and disown you year after year. Rejection from family members is a type of rejection that I've yet to be able to figure out the good in. This rejection is raw, every time you are reminded of this pain you're hurt as much as you were the first time it happened. This form of rejection hurts deeply down to the core and is one I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy.

Lastly, I've dealt with a form of rejection I often debate may be worse than the previous form I mentioned. This is the rejection that comes from extending your heart out to others, and letting your walls down only to have them crush you all over again. This rejection is terrible because you honestly try to put your faith in others only to come to find out they never truly cared all along. This is the most relevant form of rejection in my life at the moment and it hurts - it just hurts.

Even though I've yet to be able to figure out the good that comes from the last two forms of rejection and I have figured out ways to handle being rejected. 

1. Find Faith 
I don't know how people make it through life without faith of some form. I couldn't do it - I just couldn't. For me, it's the reminder that my Lord loves me, and has bigger plans for me that gets me through everyday. Without His love I couldn't do it. Find faith, maybe not my faith, but faith and faith alone is going to be the best and sometimes only thing that can get you through.

2. Keep Trusting in Others
Be wise and don't give your heart away easily but you have to keep trusting in others. For every 10 that have burned me and broken my heart I've gotten at least two people that I couldn't imagine my life without. Sometimes you have to sift through the dirt to find the diamonds that make life worth living. The pain of the rejection I've received from others may have burned badly but it was worth it to find the gems that I have found. If you keep the walls up you're never going to find the few good ones out there.

3. Make a Goal to Create a Strong Family of Your Own 
When you come from a life of rejection the only thing you can do is strive to be and do better than what you've come from. You're never going to be able to control what others do to you and what you've grown up in but what you can control is what you do and what your family will experience. If you're hurting from the feeling of loneliness you've got to press forward with the goal to create a family life where these problems vanish. Make it a goal to create a strong family unit of your own and do right by others when they don't do right by you.

4. Cry When You Need to Cry 
This is the hardest lesson I've had to learn and I still struggle to learn it daily. Bottling up your feelings will only hurt you more. You can't keep this pain inside, you just can't it'll eat away at you at night and will find you when you're most vulnerable. Let the pain out, just let it out and cry. Sometimes just crying and venting is all the healing you need.

Life gets hard for us all, and being rejected hurts badly but just remember to keep pressing forward. Stay hopeful, because without hope all meaning is lost. Don't spend your life suffering from the pain only to miss out on the beauty that will once come from your trials.

Why Petty Rules Are Ruining Christianity

This year I have become a pretty big Duggar fan. From a Christian stand point there is a lot of things I do agree with the Duggar's on. I agree on salvation and most basic principles they believe. But, I also disagree with the Duggar's on their cult-like attitude and their legalistic views. But, my views on the Duggar's are neither here nor there and are irrelevant to this post.

Pants Proud - I happily posted my own pants. 

Moving on, my newly found 'fandom' of the Duggars lead me to find Free Jinger. I love reading the site for a variety of reasons. I love to see how the world views Christians. I love to see misconceptions and I love learning how certain attitudes make the world feel so I know better how to approach non-believers. I genuinely enjoy learning all sides of the spectrum. And, the snark, of course has made me laugh a time or two.

Today I came across a new conversation thread titled, "Pants make women look like men from behind...". Out of boredom I opened the thread and was absolutely appalled by the blog that they were referring to.

The blog that started this thread was about how a woman thought that women in pants looked like men. She proceeded to post pictures of backsides of women as "proof" that the backside of women in pants look like men. This absolutely FLOORED me.

First off, how rude?! Really, imagine that was your backside plastered on a woman's blog telling the world that you looked like a man. Would you be mad? I would be more than upset. But, as if it wasn't enough that she creeped on women to take pictures of their butts, there are comments on the thread mentioning how lovely it was for her to post this topic. Not one of those women took the time to say, "hey, maybe you shouldn't take pictures of someone else's butt... That's a little insensitive don't you think?" (Don't worry I took the time to comment.)

As I sit at my desk, in my heathen Jeggings, I can guarantee every last one of those women would criticize me telling me that I am not honoring God. They wouldn't notice my Bible on my desk, or the Christian books surrounded by me. They wouldn't care about anything other than I have pants on and I am going to church tonight in them.

What in the world happened to that little thing called, compassion?! Or loving another like yourself? Not being a stumbling block to the unbelievers?

I find posting someone else as an example is the opposite of compassion. And I doubt she'd post a comparison of her backside in pants and a skirt because she would be embarrassed. No one wants a picture of their butt and only their butt on display. Especially when a woman is telling everyone she thinks you look like a man! That's very insensitive and not biblical. 

I seem to remember somewhere in the, oh I don't know, Bible telling us to not judge the world on it's outworld appearance but on the inward. Because God doesn't see what the world sees, He doesn't judge us on the outside but on the inside.

It's posts like this that draw people away from Christ. Yes, our body is a temple and yes we should take care of it and honor God in every way and always but it is not our job to slam others for their appearance. It's behavior like this that draws people away from Christ. It's behavior like this that makes us lose sight.

Focusing on petty rules are ruining Christianity because we're drawing people away from Christ. If I were an unbeliever and read this post I wouldn't attend church next week. I would dislike Christians a lot after this. That's so minor and yet treated so major.

Jesus LOVED a leper.  I bet the leper didn't look all so great but yet Jesus touched him and loved him as much as He loves you and He loves me. When we focus on the little petty things we lose sight of what matters. We start making rules out of our personal convictions and preferences but not out of what God has actually ordained.

We need to keep our preferences to ourselves and close relatives and friends and people that care to ask us why we do what we do. Our actions not our words need to speak louder for us.

Also, by banning pants for woman as a whole we limit the amount of light in this world. There are many activities that cannot be done in a skirt or dress. When we limit women to activities we limit the ability for them to be a light in every area of this world. We are called to love the world and tell the world about Jesus.

We're not called to post embarrassing pictures on our blogs and make people feel shameful. The Holy Spirit has the job of making us feel guilty leave it to Him.

Why Christians Struggle With Confidence

I know I have been quiet for some time... I have had a lot going on as of late. I can't promise I will be back regularly but I can promise to be back when I feel something is on my heart to write about. 

I, like many others, struggle with low self worth at times. I am not overall an unconfident individual. But there are areas in my life where I am completely lacking all confidence and my self worth is shattered. But, I, like many, have the choice to build myself up (rather, Let God build me up) and not to stay in the terrible places low self worth can take a person. 

I think the lessons that I am learning now can help other Christians. And I think, I have figured out, in part of why it is that Christians can struggle with low confidence levels and in part, how to fix it. 


As a Christian we continually read our Bibles and come across verses like:

•  Proverbs 8:13  "The fear of the LORD is hatred of evil. Pride and arrogance and the way of evil and perverted speech I hate." 

• Proverbs 16:18 "Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.

• Isaiah 2:11 "The eyes of the arrogant man will be humbled and the pride of men brought low; the LORD alone will be exalted in that day." 

• Psalm 10:4 In his pride the wicked does not seek him; in all his thoughts there is no room for God. 

• James 4:6 "But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.”

• Proverbs 11:2 "When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom."

We read these verses and then try to run away from pride. We see how much God hates it so much and we run as far as we can. But sometimes, we run so far, that we run ourselves into a pit of no self confidence. 

I could list a ton more verses that are about pride. There are well over 50 verses warning us strongly about pride and how God hates, yes hates, pride. We see in other verses how God destroy's the proud and raises up the humble. 

**I challenge you to personally read over all the verses to do with pride and humility after reading this post, but for now the ones I've provided will suffice. **


When we come across verses telling us God hates something, we should immediately stop, reflect, repent, pray and make sure those qualities aren't found in our hearts. 
When we read about how much God hates pride, and loves the humble and meek we automatically set out to rid ourselves of all pride and increase humbleness. Most times we set out on this task, without any clue as to what pride means. And as a result, we crush our confidence which is the exact opposite of what God wants us to do. 

To understand pride, we must first know the definition of pride. According to Merriam-Websters Dictionary Pride is defined as: (noun) 
1.:a feeling that you respect yourself and deserve to be respected by other people

2.: a feeling that you are more important or better than other people

Confidence however, is defined as: (non) 

1.: a feeling or belief that you can do something well or succeed at something

2.: a feeling or belief that someone or something is good or has the ability to succeed at something

3.: the feeling of being certain that something will happen or that something is true

Clearly, the two definitions are different, yet on our quests to rid ourselves of pride we Christians often strip ourselves of confidence for fear that we're erring on the side of pride. 

When a difficult situation arises it's okay to think; "I can handle this because, I have God on my side and when I am weak He is strong. I am confident that I can handle this situation because Christ believes in me and through Him I can do all things" 

It is not okay to think;  "I know I can handle this situation because I am capable because I am awesome and I can do everything because I have prepared myself for this." 

Pride and confidence are two different things that I feel Christians often confuse for the same thing. Confidence is a good thing and we shouldn't fear it when we internally are feeling confident. How do I know it's a good thing, because God has told me, and you and the world over and over again. 

• Hebrews 10:35-36 "Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised."
• Jeremiah 29:11: "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."
• Proverbs 3:26 For the Lord will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being caught."
• Psalm 139:13-14 "For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well."

You see, God has great thoughts of us. HE LOVES YOU, say that aloud. He does, He loves you, He loves me, He loves us all equally. His thoughts of us are good. We are to strive to be like Jesus, and if Christ believes in us we should believe in us. We should know that we can be confident because we are confident in the one that made us, the one that made us wonderfully. 

It is okay to be confident, but you must base your confidence in the Lord and believe what He says and feels for you. If God loved you enough to form you and want to spend all of eternity with you then you are truly special. You may struggle and you may not be perfect but you are special and you are loved by the King. 

If you're feeling confident in a situation because you know that you have hope because God has promised it for you, that's good. If you have self confidence because you are you that's good, too. See God loves you, and though He loves you the way you are remember He refuses to leave you in your old sin nature. So you can love you, while knowing you are a sinner and God is changing you. You're never worthless, and you're worth the world to the one that Created you and sent His son to die for you. 

What is not okay, is when you take it too far and say, I love me and I can do everything because I am pretty fantastic. If your confidence in yourself is solely based in yourself and not on the promises that God has made then you're no longer confident you're proud. You should openly know and admit that you are nothing without Christ and when you feel you are everything without Him you've gone too far. 

Remember to keep your confidence based in scripture and based off what God says about you and feels about you. Confidence is not a bad thing. I feel, when we define confidence and pride and know the difference between the two we can start learning to love ourselves again. Do not fear confidence, fear pride. A confident man is also a humble man, because a confident man is one that knows His confidence is found in the Lord. 

8 Confessions of a Strong Person

The word strong has many definitions but for tonight I am going to use the following definition.

Strong - adjective: having powerful means to resist attack, assault or aggression.

I rarely go a day without someone describing me as "strong". I have been hearing this a lot lately and the more I hear it the more I feel I need to speak out.

When someone is viewed as "strong" people tend to think they're superior, able to handle more than other people and can handle hard times easily. This frustrates me. I feel this is a misconception about "strong" people and tonight I'd like to confess the truth about being (perceived as) strong.

1. We Are Weak 
Yes, there I said it. We are weak, it's true. We have weaknesses  just as much as every other person on the planet. We look to others for strength to help carry us on. You may not see it, but we also go home at night and cry. We also have concerns and doubts and cannot do everything on our own. No one can.

2. We Face Fear 
Just because you see a person you view as strong hold up in public doesn't mean they don't get alone and cower. I face fear daily. But, I do not show it to everyone because I cannot. When you're labeled as "strong" people look to you. You do not have a choice but to rise above and show everyone else it's going to be okay. The only difference in a "strong" person and a "non-strong person" (whatever that means) is we have people looking to us to show them what to do. When we fail, we don't just fail ourselves but everyone else around us. We just aren't allowed to let our fears win.

3. We Need To Be Comforted Too 
Just as people look to strong people for comfort we also need to be comforted. We can't be strong all the time. It means the world to a strong person when they find a person that allows them to be weak. We need encouragement and comfort as much as everyone else.

4. We're Survivors 
A lot of times when I hear, "I don't know how you deal with what you do." or "You're so strong to hold up how you do." I always think, "I don't either, but if I didn't do what I did I wouldn't survive. If you were forced into my situations you'd be surprised how strong you were too." We simply are surviving in bad situations.

5. We Face With The Same Problems As Everyone Else
We're faced with the same fears, worries pains and everything else everyone else in the world is faced with. We simply choose to take the paths we do. Just as we all have to choose everything we do, we just make a choice to be "brave".

6. We Don't Know Why We're Strong 
Just as some us are wired to be compassionate and some of us are wired to be comical we're just wired to be strong. I do believe to a certain extent we can all choose to be strong. But to those of us who come out the womb that way, we just are wired to be like this.

7. We Are NOTHING To Be Jealous Of 
If anything else, we are people you should be thankful you're not. To prove strength you must overcome bad situations. (I am using the term bad loosely.) But strength comes a lot of times out of trials pain and heart ache.

8. We Need Breaks
Please understand we can't always be on. Because we're human and plagued with the same problems as everyone else we can't always provide the help or strength you need. We don't mind helping as much as we can but don't be mad when we can't produce the strength you need. We also need rest and to restore ourselves.



I'm sure there are more confessions other "strong people" feel so please comment them below if you have anything to add.

If My Life Were Ever Dependant On My Ability To Make Myself Mad I'd Be Dead

 Hey Guys... I've been quiet recently and I apologize. I have had a lot going on, none of which I am ready to discuss. I will soon, just not now.
Anyway... today's thought's a bit random and a bit shorter. In the past few weeks I've faced a lot of disappointment and have faced a lot of events to cause me to cry and be angry.
When I'm mad I like to find healthy ways to take out my anger. This week has been a bear. I was looking forward to having some time today to kick my soccer ball (Ted, yes I got bored and named my soccer ball) to let out some steam.
The thing with me and soccer is if I'm not feeling semi mad I have no power in my kick and very little control.
People tend to think because of my loud, expressive and abrasive personality that anger wouldn't be something that would be a problem for me. Yes, I am moody, and yes I can get upset {seemingly} easily that I am much tougher than I am. I am tough and I value strength but I am much weaker than most people would be lead to believe. And, I am much happier than I appear.
But, my happiness comes from a place that many would find hard to believe. 
As, I tried to kick my ball with all of my might I couldn't do it. I tried to think of everything that's ever caused me pain, all the aggravation from the week and by the time I ran to the ball I had forgiven all the wrongs and was just so happy to be outside. Which in turn, I would get angry because I couldn't get angry but then the sun shined on my face and I forgave myself and just couldn't stay mad.
The reason why if my life if is ever dependent on my being able to force myself angry I would die is because I can't help but to forgive. In order to truly make me mad, one must put forth much effort and even then I am not filled with anger but with pain and sorrow for how they've hurt me. My anger turns into sorrow instantly and my sorrow turns into forgiveness.
Jesus preached time and time again on forgiveness and He's right we must come to the place where we can forgive. I feel as if His forgiveness of our future sins is why He was and is able to love us so much. Anger creates animosity and hatred. Pain creates sorrow for the ones you loved that have hurt you. I'd rather be filled with sorrow that with Jesus I can overcome than anger and hatred that will grow into nothing but miserableness.
If you're struggling with anger or sorrow, don't let it consume you. Find it in you to forgive rather than live a miserable life.
For I am thankful, that I cannot force myself angry. I'd rather die happy than live mad.

The Path Not Yet Traveld

Today, while on a hike with Justin we opted out starting a second trail and instead going into a creek. The water was freezing but for some reason so very refreshing. While walking through the water I enjoyed the freedom of no shoes and being one with nature. I  also began thinking deeply like I often do on hikes. 

I don't know what it is about nature but it causes me to create thousands of useless and tacky metaphors and similes. Today's was, "Sometimes life doesn't require us to take the path less traveled it requires us to take a path not traveled yet at all." Corny, I know, but there's truth to be found. 

Walking through the creek, isn't a path intended to be taken. It was fun, but not the intention of the trail. Well, life's like that for all of us. 

We see trails of people before us, perhaps our parents, and we feel we need to follow the path already set. We avoid the freezing cold watery paths because they're not where we think we're supposed to be. 

But what if it's exactly where we're supposed to be? What if in life, we're meant to take the trails that are more difficult and no one we know has gone before us in that same path?

I'm at a stage in my life now where I think that's exactly what we're supposed to do. 

The paths not traveled yet are scary but are the exact paths that lead us to the destination we want. Our parents are not us nor are we them. We need to feel brave enough to travel on our own and not stifled by our fears and doubts that we go and do what's comfortable. 

Comfort has never created anything great. When we reject creating our own paths we reject our inner desires and the growth we're supposed to achieve. Our own paths are rocky, wet and not yet molded. They're dark, long and seem never ending because no ones been there before and that's okay. 

I have no idea what my future holds, I have no idea where life will lead me but I do know that if I refuse to search I'll never find. 

Am I afraid of what lies ahead? Absolutely. Do I think I am going to mess up? Absolutely. Will I ever regret taking my own path and following what's right for me? Absolutely not.

Like I said, I have no idea what my future holds. But what I do know is that my life is my own as is my future. Therefore my path will never look the same as anyone else's nor will yours. Embrace the beauty of your unique path. Carve your name in some trees along the way. ;) Make your path one you're proud of and completely your own. 

I'm not sure the exact purpose of this blog. Maybe, it's to convince myself to over come my fears. Maybe it's to convince someone else struggling with starting their own path that it's okay. Or maybe, it's to let the other wanders out there know they're not alone. 

Your path may look scary at first, it may even require you to get muddy and even get your feet legs and butt soaking wet in icy cold water. It's not going to be easy and always pleasant but it will always be worth it. 

Get to walking and get to making the best life for you, for only you have the ability to figure out and find what's best and will work for your life. Well, while using God of course. He knows all, but you gotta trust Him and travel where He calls you to go. :) 

It's Not About What We Have, It's About Who We Have

Sometimes in life, we need reminded that the love we invest in others and the love we receive from others is much more valuable than anything we could ever buy.

I love this picture, I have it framed in my room. It reminds me that this world is big but none of it matters if you don't have anyone to enjoy it with. 

My Bible reading tonight brought me to the book of Ecclesiastes.  I do not think this was coincidental. 
Recently, I have acquired some rather expensive dental bills on top of what seems my never ending student loan debt, car debt and every other bill I have. 

I unfortunately don't make enough to cover everything and have any disposable income... But, I've reminded myself daily of Matthew 6:34 Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. And, Matthew 6:25-26 Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?

I struggle horribly with anxiety. It is easily my biggest struggle in life. In fact, I cannot remember a time in my life where I didn't have frequent anxiety attacks. I have had/have them so frequently that I have trained myself to remain fully functioning during the minor attacks. So for me, I have to not only remind myself of those daily, but sometimes hourly including every hour of the night I awake from the anxiety that plagues my mind. 

Anyway, moving on... I tell you of the issue because I have found something else that has helped me with my anxiety and that's in the book of Ecclesiastes. If you're unfamiliar with the book, the first chapters discuss the issue of vanity and where you're putting forth your energy and work effots. The book states clearly that we come from dust and will turn into dust. Nothing in this life that we have gained will come with us when we die. 

Don't get me wrong, I do think we should all work hard. I do like nice things myself (and probably more than I should). But when we're working hard and dealing with all that stress and anxiety, is it really worth it? Is the new phone, shoes, car etc. worth the extra stress? Again, do not misunderstand me here, I do think you should work hard. But what I do not think, is that you should work so hard for things in this life that will only fade away like our lives eventually will.

Think about it, nothing we earn will ever come with us. But, there is a way we can "live" on... and that's through those we invest our lives in. People, people we mentor, people we give birth to, people we marry, people we're related to, people we love... that's how we live on. We live on in the people we love. We're all contagious to some extent. 

I have seen bits of me living in my siblings. My sisters favorite thing in the world is sunsets. Guess who else favorite thing in the world is sunsets? If you guessed me, you were right. She mimics me in so many ways and I love it and hate it at the same time. 

Tonight, I had to come to the realization that all of the wants I have will never end. No matter how hard I work if I am only working for stuff there will never be enough stuff to make me happy. It's my own self worth , relationship with my savior and sharing of love  by investing in others that will make me personally happy.

I do not say all of this to bash people that work hard to earn a lot of money. I do not judge nor see anything wrong with working hard and financial success. But I do say this as a reminder to those rich and poor that it is not what we have it is who we have. 

I do not have much but I do have many people. I decided many years ago that I was going to invest my life into little ones I love so dearly. When I stop to think about life, God has already promised me all of my needs will be taken care of. I will always have the food I need to survive. So why do I need to worry about having extras? I have abundant love from those around me daily. 

No matter how much money I earn to pay the bills off quickly and how stylish I look none of that matters in the end. None of it will come with me. But what does matter in the end is the ones I've poured my life into. I hope to be known for my love and compassion towards others. I would hope that I have been able to set an example many can follow and be proud of. 

If you're like me and bogged down by financial struggles remember this, your needs will always be taken care of. You may be hurting and struggling but money doesn't define you. No matter what state of life you're in you'll always have people to love and impact. You can always choose to make a difference in someone else's life. The success of helping others is more gratifying than the media portrays. 

Your wealth doesn't make you successful. You're still a winner when you choose to give and help others. Don't ever feel that you have to earn money to earn love. We're all lovable no matter what our bank says. 

And remember, money can always be re-earned but people cannot. 

The Need To Be Less Needy

This is going to be a hard post for me, because this is one of my biggest issues. For every bit of independent I am, I am equally needy.

I'm currently reading Beth Moore's, Get Out Of That Pit. I love her books, she's one of my personal role heroes. I think by the title you can guess what the book is about.

While reading in one of the chapters she addressed the issue of relationships ending because of people relying on other people to get them out of their pits. If you're a Christian you should already know better... This I have to repent for often.

It's not the issue of being needy per-say that I want to address it's the issue of ending relationships when people withdraw from your neediness.

Have you ever confided in a friend at the beginning of a rough time? They spent countless hours mentoring you and you felt closer to them than ever before. But then, all of the sudden or gradually they start withdrawing.

As they withdraw, your anger and frustration grows. You feel that they have abandoned you. How could they? They knew how bad you were hurting yet they still didn't come to your rescue. Out of anger, you end that relationship and  think of that person horribly.

Well, I am here to say, that's wrong and I am incredibly guilty of this one. I don't end relationships but I do get out the fighting gloves and am ready to hash it out. And then, I lose. Every. Single. Time. Why I still bother to fight is still a mystery. 

Here's the deal, if you're like me and have been the person that's been too needy - FORGIVE the person that's angered you. They are just a person. A person can only do so much. People do not withdraw because they do not love you. They withdraw because they are people. They have to withdraw for self preservation.

Once a person gives you all they can, they cannot give anymore. Once you've gotten them to that point, they withdraw because they have nothing else they can do. They still love you but they're all out of ideas. 

And, if you're also like  me and have been the person on the opposite side that has withdrawn because a friend has taken all of you. They have taken all that you could possibly give and out of love you backed away. Remember this the next time you are on the side of being too needy. 

I would like to apologize to any person that's been on both sides with me. To those of you who I have been too needy with - thank you for all you did and I'm sorry for getting angry when I shouldn't have. For those of you that I withdrew from, I'm sorry for pulling away and making you feel worse, I never meant to hurt you. I should have remained an encouragement and showed you love, always.

Please don't take this as a message where I am saying that you shouldn't ask people for help nor give help. I think support groups and friends are absolutely necessary. You should have them, always. People should always help others when they can. But, forgive and love when people show limitations.

For Christians and non Christians alike, we have to understand people are people. No other human can do for us what we need to do for ourselves. The decision to move on and get out of a pit will always fall back on us. We alone have to make that decision.

For Christians, 2 Corinthians 1:10 - He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us again. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us (NIV)  Psalm 140:7 Sovereign LORD, my strong deliverer, you shield my head in the day of battle. (NIV) 

Remember to cry out our worries pains and cares to the lord. Psalm 18:6 In my distress I called upon the LORD; to my God I cried for help. From his temple he heard my voice, and my cry to him reached his ears (ESV) He hears our cries and He alone is the only one that can deliver us and be all that we need. 

Choose Him, not humans and experience all the freedom that comes with. 

Why I Love Harry Potter

Like millions across the world I too am a Harry Potter fan. I grew up with Harry Potter. The books came out when I was in third or fourth grade and the movies didn't end until I was in college. Harry Potter has been in my life for over half of my life.

 

Now, my little brother and sister love Harry Potter. It's something we can share together. I love that we have something so much fun to share! The wands you see, those are mine. The middle, the Elder Wand and my most precious wand. My brother and sister got this for me while we were in London and they were on a tour and I was in the hospital hurt - I'll share that story when I can think of an appropriate metaphor to apply it to. The Elder Wand is one of the most precious items I own because of how it was obtained. I will cherish that wand forever. 

The left, Voldemort's wand and right Narcissa Malfoy's wand. I have a goal to collect all of the wands. If you ever are looking to buy me a present, order me a new wand to complete my collection. I only ask you not to buy Hermione Granger's and Ron Weasley's. I will get those when the time is right. 

I think I've made it clear that I love Harry Potter. I am well aware JK Rowling and I do not share the same spiritual beliefs and I am okay with that. Just because I love the books and movies does not mean I am promoting witch craft and whatever asinine nonsense people say. I simply love Harry Potter because Rowling promotes the power of familial love. 

If you've not picked up by now, I love families, it's my plan to obtain my masters in family communication someday. Rowling addresses the love, power and impact of the importance of family and more specifically a mothers love. 

I feel, the world is selfish (myself included) and ignorantly independent. We tend to forget our actions have consequences. We fail to recognize that who we are is a combination of the people we came from, the environment we lived in and the life we lived. My friends that think they're "Miss Independent" and are nothing like their families make me laugh with such foolishness. 

Get this through your head now. You have the choice to not make the same mistakes as your parents. You will not however be able to act nothing like them. They are a part of you. You were formed from them and you are completely your own person made up of others. You have roots. Embrace them, learn from them and use what you have to make you the best you. 

I think we can all take time to appreciate and recognize the truth of what Rowling has taught mostly through Tom Riddle Jr. 

He came from two selfish parents - they were out for their greater good rather than their child's good. Our culture today tells us to take care of number one never mentioning the pain we cause when we neglect others that need us. Think this isn't a problem today? Check orphanages, foster care, your work, the deli across the street etc. everywhere you go you will find someone with a selfish parent. 

I could go on for the hours about a mothers love. But if you have watched the movies or read the books I needn't go on because the lesson is clear. 

Not only do you see the impact of neglectful parents from Tom Riddle but you see the impact of abusive proud parents. Tom's Mom, Merope Gaunt, thought to be a squib, turned out to be a woman with great enough magical power to cast a very long lasting and rather powerful love charm. Squandered and beaten down, Merope believed she was nothing... But when the abuse ended her power began. 

Maybe you're a Merope Gaunt. I know I was. Maybe you, like Merope need to break free from the oppression and see the true beauty and power you hold inside. 

I would like to also point out, Merope Gaunt and Tom Riddle Sr. may have not been around for Tom's upbringing but yet Tom could never deny them. The muggle blood ran through his veins, his appearance was that of his fathers. His inability to understand true love came from his mother. Even his arrogant pride came strait from his grandfather. 

Interestingly enough, Tom thought he was nothing like anyone yet turned out to be just like the ones he foolishly disassociated himself with. You are a part of your family no matter how much you want to deny it. 

I feel as if I could let this blog go on for hours because I have spent countless hours dissecting and studying all of the different familial relationships and the lessons that one could learn from and use for motivation. 

I want to end this blog in a different direction. A direction that is a bit of a challenge. See, I believe that Rowling is showing how families should behave and the true consequences of what happens when abuse is in place. Not only on a parental level throughout all families. Dumbledore shows great, great insight on the sibling love and consequences. 

I would like to challenge you to do one of two things: 

1. Pick a character you most relate to, comment on my blog and let me tell you the lessons you can learn from that character about how a family should/shouldn't behave. 

2. Comment a problem you struggle with, and let me name you the character that you can relate. I'll show you what Rowling has to teach.

You may be surprised to find that much of what Rowling is promoting is more biblical than one may think and there are many lessons one can learn. 

20 Somethings Are Really Just Adult Middle Schoolers

Middle School = ROUGH times

Being in the stage of a 20 something I have come to find that other 20 somethings like me are in a stage of life that's comparable to middle school. By 20 somethings, I mean anyone that's graduated from college and is in their first or second job, usually in the 22-29 year old range.


This stage of life is just another awkward transitionary stage. We are now "real adults" who still have no idea who we really are. No we're not wearing horrible eye liner, or switching from being a skater punk one week then a prep the next.

But we're trying new "hobbies" taking new interests up in hopes that they will help us find who we really are. We know I past hobbies aren't  going to make us who we want to be but we now need to learn new behaviors and create new patterns that will help mold us into the people we want to become.

At least 80% of the people I know have made a horrible job choice (myself included) and that bad choice causes us to question is there more to life? We know there is deep down, but we don't know how to get there. We're confused but we are longing to be "big" and"independent" just like we were in middle school. Like middle school, we still know nothing but we're not going to admit it.

This stage is hard because we thought by now we would know who we really are. We've just come to learn we only know who we really are in school. We really don't know anything about our "adult selves".

So we try desperately to find our identity and claim our independence. Some of us are better but all of us struggle for a period.

Everything about this stage sucks just like middle school.

Thankfully we're not rocking our head to toe matching brand new Aeropostale track suits during this stage. We do look a little better - thankfully so! At least we have better style under our belts.

However, there is an upside to middle school we often forget. The time is short. Middle school was the worst part but the fastest part of our childhood.

Through all the trial and error and bad outfits we really did learn a lot about ourselves in that time. We learned through the failed attempts what we wanted to be in high school and what "clique" was right for us.

So to all the other 20 somethings out there suffering through middle school - FAIL on! Yep, keep trying and keep failing. Don't be afraid to try and fail just like you did as a child.

Fail on and let all those failures and mistakes be life lessons used to shape you into the person you want to be! Just DON'T stop trying until you get it right!

This world is BIG and there is a LOT for us to learn. So learn on and don't lose hope.
Eventually the right job, relationship etc. will come but we'll never find it if we quit looking and trying.

After all middle school eventually ended, so this stage (thankfully) will, too!