If My Life Were Ever Dependant On My Ability To Make Myself Mad I'd Be Dead

 Hey Guys... I've been quiet recently and I apologize. I have had a lot going on, none of which I am ready to discuss. I will soon, just not now.
Anyway... today's thought's a bit random and a bit shorter. In the past few weeks I've faced a lot of disappointment and have faced a lot of events to cause me to cry and be angry.
When I'm mad I like to find healthy ways to take out my anger. This week has been a bear. I was looking forward to having some time today to kick my soccer ball (Ted, yes I got bored and named my soccer ball) to let out some steam.
The thing with me and soccer is if I'm not feeling semi mad I have no power in my kick and very little control.
People tend to think because of my loud, expressive and abrasive personality that anger wouldn't be something that would be a problem for me. Yes, I am moody, and yes I can get upset {seemingly} easily that I am much tougher than I am. I am tough and I value strength but I am much weaker than most people would be lead to believe. And, I am much happier than I appear.
But, my happiness comes from a place that many would find hard to believe. 
As, I tried to kick my ball with all of my might I couldn't do it. I tried to think of everything that's ever caused me pain, all the aggravation from the week and by the time I ran to the ball I had forgiven all the wrongs and was just so happy to be outside. Which in turn, I would get angry because I couldn't get angry but then the sun shined on my face and I forgave myself and just couldn't stay mad.
The reason why if my life if is ever dependent on my being able to force myself angry I would die is because I can't help but to forgive. In order to truly make me mad, one must put forth much effort and even then I am not filled with anger but with pain and sorrow for how they've hurt me. My anger turns into sorrow instantly and my sorrow turns into forgiveness.
Jesus preached time and time again on forgiveness and He's right we must come to the place where we can forgive. I feel as if His forgiveness of our future sins is why He was and is able to love us so much. Anger creates animosity and hatred. Pain creates sorrow for the ones you loved that have hurt you. I'd rather be filled with sorrow that with Jesus I can overcome than anger and hatred that will grow into nothing but miserableness.
If you're struggling with anger or sorrow, don't let it consume you. Find it in you to forgive rather than live a miserable life.
For I am thankful, that I cannot force myself angry. I'd rather die happy than live mad.