I'm currently reading Beth Moore's, Get Out Of That Pit. I love her books, she's one of my personal role heroes. I think by the title you can guess what the book is about.
While reading in one of the chapters she addressed the issue of relationships ending because of people relying on other people to get them out of their pits. If you're a Christian you should already know better... This I have to repent for often.
It's not the issue of being needy per-say that I want to address it's the issue of ending relationships when people withdraw from your neediness.
Have you ever confided in a friend at the beginning of a rough time? They spent countless hours mentoring you and you felt closer to them than ever before. But then, all of the sudden or gradually they start withdrawing.
As they withdraw, your anger and frustration grows. You feel that they have abandoned you. How could they? They knew how bad you were hurting yet they still didn't come to your rescue. Out of anger, you end that relationship and think of that person horribly.
Well, I am here to say, that's wrong and I am incredibly guilty of this one. I don't end relationships but I do get out the fighting gloves and am ready to hash it out. And then, I lose. Every. Single. Time. Why I still bother to fight is still a mystery.
Here's the deal, if you're like me and have been the person that's been too needy - FORGIVE the person that's angered you. They are just a person. A person can only do so much. People do not withdraw because they do not love you. They withdraw because they are people. They have to withdraw for self preservation.
Once a person gives you all they can, they cannot give anymore. Once you've gotten them to that point, they withdraw because they have nothing else they can do. They still love you but they're all out of ideas.
And, if you're also like me and have been the person on the opposite side that has withdrawn because a friend has taken all of you. They have taken all that you could possibly give and out of love you backed away. Remember this the next time you are on the side of being too needy.
I would like to apologize to any person that's been on both sides with me. To those of you who I have been too needy with - thank you for all you did and I'm sorry for getting angry when I shouldn't have. For those of you that I withdrew from, I'm sorry for pulling away and making you feel worse, I never meant to hurt you. I should have remained an encouragement and showed you love, always.
Please don't take this as a message where I am saying that you shouldn't ask people for help nor give help. I think support groups and friends are absolutely necessary. You should have them, always. People should always help others when they can. But, forgive and love when people show limitations.
For Christians and non Christians alike, we have to understand people are people. No other human can do for us what we need to do for ourselves. The decision to move on and get out of a pit will always fall back on us. We alone have to make that decision.
For Christians, 2 Corinthians 1:10 - He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us again. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us (NIV) Psalm 140:7 Sovereign LORD, my strong deliverer, you shield my head in the day of battle. (NIV)
Remember to cry out our worries pains and cares to the lord. Psalm 18:6 In my distress I called upon the LORD; to my God I cried for help. From his temple he heard my voice, and my cry to him reached his ears (ESV) He hears our cries and He alone is the only one that can deliver us and be all that we need.
Choose Him, not humans and experience all the freedom that comes with.
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