The Need To Be Less Needy

This is going to be a hard post for me, because this is one of my biggest issues. For every bit of independent I am, I am equally needy.

I'm currently reading Beth Moore's, Get Out Of That Pit. I love her books, she's one of my personal role heroes. I think by the title you can guess what the book is about.

While reading in one of the chapters she addressed the issue of relationships ending because of people relying on other people to get them out of their pits. If you're a Christian you should already know better... This I have to repent for often.

It's not the issue of being needy per-say that I want to address it's the issue of ending relationships when people withdraw from your neediness.

Have you ever confided in a friend at the beginning of a rough time? They spent countless hours mentoring you and you felt closer to them than ever before. But then, all of the sudden or gradually they start withdrawing.

As they withdraw, your anger and frustration grows. You feel that they have abandoned you. How could they? They knew how bad you were hurting yet they still didn't come to your rescue. Out of anger, you end that relationship and  think of that person horribly.

Well, I am here to say, that's wrong and I am incredibly guilty of this one. I don't end relationships but I do get out the fighting gloves and am ready to hash it out. And then, I lose. Every. Single. Time. Why I still bother to fight is still a mystery. 

Here's the deal, if you're like me and have been the person that's been too needy - FORGIVE the person that's angered you. They are just a person. A person can only do so much. People do not withdraw because they do not love you. They withdraw because they are people. They have to withdraw for self preservation.

Once a person gives you all they can, they cannot give anymore. Once you've gotten them to that point, they withdraw because they have nothing else they can do. They still love you but they're all out of ideas. 

And, if you're also like  me and have been the person on the opposite side that has withdrawn because a friend has taken all of you. They have taken all that you could possibly give and out of love you backed away. Remember this the next time you are on the side of being too needy. 

I would like to apologize to any person that's been on both sides with me. To those of you who I have been too needy with - thank you for all you did and I'm sorry for getting angry when I shouldn't have. For those of you that I withdrew from, I'm sorry for pulling away and making you feel worse, I never meant to hurt you. I should have remained an encouragement and showed you love, always.

Please don't take this as a message where I am saying that you shouldn't ask people for help nor give help. I think support groups and friends are absolutely necessary. You should have them, always. People should always help others when they can. But, forgive and love when people show limitations.

For Christians and non Christians alike, we have to understand people are people. No other human can do for us what we need to do for ourselves. The decision to move on and get out of a pit will always fall back on us. We alone have to make that decision.

For Christians, 2 Corinthians 1:10 - He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us again. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us (NIV)  Psalm 140:7 Sovereign LORD, my strong deliverer, you shield my head in the day of battle. (NIV) 

Remember to cry out our worries pains and cares to the lord. Psalm 18:6 In my distress I called upon the LORD; to my God I cried for help. From his temple he heard my voice, and my cry to him reached his ears (ESV) He hears our cries and He alone is the only one that can deliver us and be all that we need. 

Choose Him, not humans and experience all the freedom that comes with. 

Why I Love Harry Potter

Like millions across the world I too am a Harry Potter fan. I grew up with Harry Potter. The books came out when I was in third or fourth grade and the movies didn't end until I was in college. Harry Potter has been in my life for over half of my life.

 

Now, my little brother and sister love Harry Potter. It's something we can share together. I love that we have something so much fun to share! The wands you see, those are mine. The middle, the Elder Wand and my most precious wand. My brother and sister got this for me while we were in London and they were on a tour and I was in the hospital hurt - I'll share that story when I can think of an appropriate metaphor to apply it to. The Elder Wand is one of the most precious items I own because of how it was obtained. I will cherish that wand forever. 

The left, Voldemort's wand and right Narcissa Malfoy's wand. I have a goal to collect all of the wands. If you ever are looking to buy me a present, order me a new wand to complete my collection. I only ask you not to buy Hermione Granger's and Ron Weasley's. I will get those when the time is right. 

I think I've made it clear that I love Harry Potter. I am well aware JK Rowling and I do not share the same spiritual beliefs and I am okay with that. Just because I love the books and movies does not mean I am promoting witch craft and whatever asinine nonsense people say. I simply love Harry Potter because Rowling promotes the power of familial love. 

If you've not picked up by now, I love families, it's my plan to obtain my masters in family communication someday. Rowling addresses the love, power and impact of the importance of family and more specifically a mothers love. 

I feel, the world is selfish (myself included) and ignorantly independent. We tend to forget our actions have consequences. We fail to recognize that who we are is a combination of the people we came from, the environment we lived in and the life we lived. My friends that think they're "Miss Independent" and are nothing like their families make me laugh with such foolishness. 

Get this through your head now. You have the choice to not make the same mistakes as your parents. You will not however be able to act nothing like them. They are a part of you. You were formed from them and you are completely your own person made up of others. You have roots. Embrace them, learn from them and use what you have to make you the best you. 

I think we can all take time to appreciate and recognize the truth of what Rowling has taught mostly through Tom Riddle Jr. 

He came from two selfish parents - they were out for their greater good rather than their child's good. Our culture today tells us to take care of number one never mentioning the pain we cause when we neglect others that need us. Think this isn't a problem today? Check orphanages, foster care, your work, the deli across the street etc. everywhere you go you will find someone with a selfish parent. 

I could go on for the hours about a mothers love. But if you have watched the movies or read the books I needn't go on because the lesson is clear. 

Not only do you see the impact of neglectful parents from Tom Riddle but you see the impact of abusive proud parents. Tom's Mom, Merope Gaunt, thought to be a squib, turned out to be a woman with great enough magical power to cast a very long lasting and rather powerful love charm. Squandered and beaten down, Merope believed she was nothing... But when the abuse ended her power began. 

Maybe you're a Merope Gaunt. I know I was. Maybe you, like Merope need to break free from the oppression and see the true beauty and power you hold inside. 

I would like to also point out, Merope Gaunt and Tom Riddle Sr. may have not been around for Tom's upbringing but yet Tom could never deny them. The muggle blood ran through his veins, his appearance was that of his fathers. His inability to understand true love came from his mother. Even his arrogant pride came strait from his grandfather. 

Interestingly enough, Tom thought he was nothing like anyone yet turned out to be just like the ones he foolishly disassociated himself with. You are a part of your family no matter how much you want to deny it. 

I feel as if I could let this blog go on for hours because I have spent countless hours dissecting and studying all of the different familial relationships and the lessons that one could learn from and use for motivation. 

I want to end this blog in a different direction. A direction that is a bit of a challenge. See, I believe that Rowling is showing how families should behave and the true consequences of what happens when abuse is in place. Not only on a parental level throughout all families. Dumbledore shows great, great insight on the sibling love and consequences. 

I would like to challenge you to do one of two things: 

1. Pick a character you most relate to, comment on my blog and let me tell you the lessons you can learn from that character about how a family should/shouldn't behave. 

2. Comment a problem you struggle with, and let me name you the character that you can relate. I'll show you what Rowling has to teach.

You may be surprised to find that much of what Rowling is promoting is more biblical than one may think and there are many lessons one can learn.