The Need To Be Less Needy

This is going to be a hard post for me, because this is one of my biggest issues. For every bit of independent I am, I am equally needy.

I'm currently reading Beth Moore's, Get Out Of That Pit. I love her books, she's one of my personal role heroes. I think by the title you can guess what the book is about.

While reading in one of the chapters she addressed the issue of relationships ending because of people relying on other people to get them out of their pits. If you're a Christian you should already know better... This I have to repent for often.

It's not the issue of being needy per-say that I want to address it's the issue of ending relationships when people withdraw from your neediness.

Have you ever confided in a friend at the beginning of a rough time? They spent countless hours mentoring you and you felt closer to them than ever before. But then, all of the sudden or gradually they start withdrawing.

As they withdraw, your anger and frustration grows. You feel that they have abandoned you. How could they? They knew how bad you were hurting yet they still didn't come to your rescue. Out of anger, you end that relationship and  think of that person horribly.

Well, I am here to say, that's wrong and I am incredibly guilty of this one. I don't end relationships but I do get out the fighting gloves and am ready to hash it out. And then, I lose. Every. Single. Time. Why I still bother to fight is still a mystery. 

Here's the deal, if you're like me and have been the person that's been too needy - FORGIVE the person that's angered you. They are just a person. A person can only do so much. People do not withdraw because they do not love you. They withdraw because they are people. They have to withdraw for self preservation.

Once a person gives you all they can, they cannot give anymore. Once you've gotten them to that point, they withdraw because they have nothing else they can do. They still love you but they're all out of ideas. 

And, if you're also like  me and have been the person on the opposite side that has withdrawn because a friend has taken all of you. They have taken all that you could possibly give and out of love you backed away. Remember this the next time you are on the side of being too needy. 

I would like to apologize to any person that's been on both sides with me. To those of you who I have been too needy with - thank you for all you did and I'm sorry for getting angry when I shouldn't have. For those of you that I withdrew from, I'm sorry for pulling away and making you feel worse, I never meant to hurt you. I should have remained an encouragement and showed you love, always.

Please don't take this as a message where I am saying that you shouldn't ask people for help nor give help. I think support groups and friends are absolutely necessary. You should have them, always. People should always help others when they can. But, forgive and love when people show limitations.

For Christians and non Christians alike, we have to understand people are people. No other human can do for us what we need to do for ourselves. The decision to move on and get out of a pit will always fall back on us. We alone have to make that decision.

For Christians, 2 Corinthians 1:10 - He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us again. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us (NIV)  Psalm 140:7 Sovereign LORD, my strong deliverer, you shield my head in the day of battle. (NIV) 

Remember to cry out our worries pains and cares to the lord. Psalm 18:6 In my distress I called upon the LORD; to my God I cried for help. From his temple he heard my voice, and my cry to him reached his ears (ESV) He hears our cries and He alone is the only one that can deliver us and be all that we need. 

Choose Him, not humans and experience all the freedom that comes with. 

Why I Love Harry Potter

Like millions across the world I too am a Harry Potter fan. I grew up with Harry Potter. The books came out when I was in third or fourth grade and the movies didn't end until I was in college. Harry Potter has been in my life for over half of my life.

 

Now, my little brother and sister love Harry Potter. It's something we can share together. I love that we have something so much fun to share! The wands you see, those are mine. The middle, the Elder Wand and my most precious wand. My brother and sister got this for me while we were in London and they were on a tour and I was in the hospital hurt - I'll share that story when I can think of an appropriate metaphor to apply it to. The Elder Wand is one of the most precious items I own because of how it was obtained. I will cherish that wand forever. 

The left, Voldemort's wand and right Narcissa Malfoy's wand. I have a goal to collect all of the wands. If you ever are looking to buy me a present, order me a new wand to complete my collection. I only ask you not to buy Hermione Granger's and Ron Weasley's. I will get those when the time is right. 

I think I've made it clear that I love Harry Potter. I am well aware JK Rowling and I do not share the same spiritual beliefs and I am okay with that. Just because I love the books and movies does not mean I am promoting witch craft and whatever asinine nonsense people say. I simply love Harry Potter because Rowling promotes the power of familial love. 

If you've not picked up by now, I love families, it's my plan to obtain my masters in family communication someday. Rowling addresses the love, power and impact of the importance of family and more specifically a mothers love. 

I feel, the world is selfish (myself included) and ignorantly independent. We tend to forget our actions have consequences. We fail to recognize that who we are is a combination of the people we came from, the environment we lived in and the life we lived. My friends that think they're "Miss Independent" and are nothing like their families make me laugh with such foolishness. 

Get this through your head now. You have the choice to not make the same mistakes as your parents. You will not however be able to act nothing like them. They are a part of you. You were formed from them and you are completely your own person made up of others. You have roots. Embrace them, learn from them and use what you have to make you the best you. 

I think we can all take time to appreciate and recognize the truth of what Rowling has taught mostly through Tom Riddle Jr. 

He came from two selfish parents - they were out for their greater good rather than their child's good. Our culture today tells us to take care of number one never mentioning the pain we cause when we neglect others that need us. Think this isn't a problem today? Check orphanages, foster care, your work, the deli across the street etc. everywhere you go you will find someone with a selfish parent. 

I could go on for the hours about a mothers love. But if you have watched the movies or read the books I needn't go on because the lesson is clear. 

Not only do you see the impact of neglectful parents from Tom Riddle but you see the impact of abusive proud parents. Tom's Mom, Merope Gaunt, thought to be a squib, turned out to be a woman with great enough magical power to cast a very long lasting and rather powerful love charm. Squandered and beaten down, Merope believed she was nothing... But when the abuse ended her power began. 

Maybe you're a Merope Gaunt. I know I was. Maybe you, like Merope need to break free from the oppression and see the true beauty and power you hold inside. 

I would like to also point out, Merope Gaunt and Tom Riddle Sr. may have not been around for Tom's upbringing but yet Tom could never deny them. The muggle blood ran through his veins, his appearance was that of his fathers. His inability to understand true love came from his mother. Even his arrogant pride came strait from his grandfather. 

Interestingly enough, Tom thought he was nothing like anyone yet turned out to be just like the ones he foolishly disassociated himself with. You are a part of your family no matter how much you want to deny it. 

I feel as if I could let this blog go on for hours because I have spent countless hours dissecting and studying all of the different familial relationships and the lessons that one could learn from and use for motivation. 

I want to end this blog in a different direction. A direction that is a bit of a challenge. See, I believe that Rowling is showing how families should behave and the true consequences of what happens when abuse is in place. Not only on a parental level throughout all families. Dumbledore shows great, great insight on the sibling love and consequences. 

I would like to challenge you to do one of two things: 

1. Pick a character you most relate to, comment on my blog and let me tell you the lessons you can learn from that character about how a family should/shouldn't behave. 

2. Comment a problem you struggle with, and let me name you the character that you can relate. I'll show you what Rowling has to teach.

You may be surprised to find that much of what Rowling is promoting is more biblical than one may think and there are many lessons one can learn. 

20 Somethings Are Really Just Adult Middle Schoolers

Middle School = ROUGH times

Being in the stage of a 20 something I have come to find that other 20 somethings like me are in a stage of life that's comparable to middle school. By 20 somethings, I mean anyone that's graduated from college and is in their first or second job, usually in the 22-29 year old range.


This stage of life is just another awkward transitionary stage. We are now "real adults" who still have no idea who we really are. No we're not wearing horrible eye liner, or switching from being a skater punk one week then a prep the next.

But we're trying new "hobbies" taking new interests up in hopes that they will help us find who we really are. We know I past hobbies aren't  going to make us who we want to be but we now need to learn new behaviors and create new patterns that will help mold us into the people we want to become.

At least 80% of the people I know have made a horrible job choice (myself included) and that bad choice causes us to question is there more to life? We know there is deep down, but we don't know how to get there. We're confused but we are longing to be "big" and"independent" just like we were in middle school. Like middle school, we still know nothing but we're not going to admit it.

This stage is hard because we thought by now we would know who we really are. We've just come to learn we only know who we really are in school. We really don't know anything about our "adult selves".

So we try desperately to find our identity and claim our independence. Some of us are better but all of us struggle for a period.

Everything about this stage sucks just like middle school.

Thankfully we're not rocking our head to toe matching brand new Aeropostale track suits during this stage. We do look a little better - thankfully so! At least we have better style under our belts.

However, there is an upside to middle school we often forget. The time is short. Middle school was the worst part but the fastest part of our childhood.

Through all the trial and error and bad outfits we really did learn a lot about ourselves in that time. We learned through the failed attempts what we wanted to be in high school and what "clique" was right for us.

So to all the other 20 somethings out there suffering through middle school - FAIL on! Yep, keep trying and keep failing. Don't be afraid to try and fail just like you did as a child.

Fail on and let all those failures and mistakes be life lessons used to shape you into the person you want to be! Just DON'T stop trying until you get it right!

This world is BIG and there is a LOT for us to learn. So learn on and don't lose hope.
Eventually the right job, relationship etc. will come but we'll never find it if we quit looking and trying.

After all middle school eventually ended, so this stage (thankfully) will, too!

Fact Is, You Do Belong To Someone.

In my first post, I mentioned I am currently smack dab in the middle of depression. I cannot run from it, it's true. I am depressed for a plethora of reasons. Some reasons, as much as I would like to share, I am unable to at the moment but will in due time.

Today, my focus is on my issue of belonging. Before I go on, understand, I am a very loved individual. I have an unfathomable amount of people that love me deeply and I love back. I am grateful for every last one of them. 

However, though I have been surrounded by love, I have never felt like I belonged anywhere. My parents divorced before I could remember them being together. I never thought it affected me much until today. I never really felt like I fully belonged to either side of my family because of the divorce. I always felt like a disposable half to whatever side of my family I was with. 

My preschool teacher's family basically raised me throughout my childhood. Though they weren't blood I had my Granny, Papaw, Aunt, older sister and two older brothers. I love(d) them with my entire heart and they love(d) me the same. But deep down, I still didn't feel like I belonged. Not because of them but because I was too young to understand the great gift they had given me. 

When my mom remarried I felt like I didn't belong again. I felt as if she were beginning her life anew with her husband and there wasn't room for me. Then when my siblings were born, I felt their family was completed and I didn't belong. I love my siblings more than any other two people on this planet but there are many days I feel like I do not belong.

At 15 I moved in with my Aunt and I didn't feel right with her anymore than I did with my mom. Not because my aunt didn't love me and not because my mom and step dad didn't love me but because I, ME, let me reiterate these were thoughts I CREATED in MY mind. My aunt is single and I felt I was nothing more than a burden on her. 

My dad always had his own life, I loved him but due to my childhood I never felt much like I belonged with him. 

I have the greatest friends in the world currently, so many people who have taken me in a part of their family and I still don't feel like I belong. 

I've lived a life alone. My life was filled with many people but all were coming and going. Never did I have a sibling by my side to share the same experiences with. Everything I have ever experienced has been by myself. No other person has been with me through all my life. 

It's not that the people above didn't love me. They do love me still actually. But I was always the lone ranger experiencing a life completely different than everyone else around me. 

My sweet boyfriend loves me and to him I feel like I belong. But, there's a familial void nonetheless. I suppose when I start my own family, I will get to feel the joy of knowing others belong to me.

Are you like me? Do you not feel like you belong? Do you search endlessly, longing to feel the love and acceptance and warm embrace of the ones you think you should belong to? Do you wish someone would just come up to you and hold you tightly while you're crying and say, "it's okay. It's all going to be okay, I've got you, you belong to me and I will never leave." 

What if I told you that it wouldn't matter what anyone ever said and did to you? It's true, it doesn't. For two reasons: 1. Though the insecurity you may feel may have not been created by you, the choice to allow the anxiety and hurt to win is a choice you make. It's the same choice I make in my weakest times, at my lowest points when I've quit fitting. 

2. It's all a lie. Yes, Satan is lying to you. He wants to isolate you, and he will at all costs.  You already belong, you always have and you always will. Let my words sink in, you have ALWAYS belonged and you ALWAYS will. This is for me personally, I BELONG, I HAVE ALWAYS BELONGED AND I WILL ALWAYS BELONG. 

Jeremiah 1:5 States; "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." (NIV) Read that twice, three times, four times however many times before it sets in. 

God KNEW you before you were ever born. HE wants you, HE set you apart and HE has a plan for your life. HE WANTS YOU.

I am not going to deny, there are days where the pain hurts and is much too real to bare. And there are days where you need to cry and let the pain out. And there are days where a friends loving embrace while you cry will make all the difference in the world.

But, when you're down and like me and need picking up there's only one that can bring true comfort. The one that loves you, the one that formed you in the womb and set you apart for Him. He's waiting for you to fall into His arms. He wants to tell you it's going to be okay, He wants you to know you belong to Him and always will.

Don't let satan win, read scripture, pray, call friends - REACH OUT! Don't be a victim like I've been. Don't live in fear of your feelings. Tell your loved ones, work with them and cry, my dear friend cry. Let the emotions flow through you and let the comforter heal you.

But don't let yourself get alone, Christian or not being alone is the worst thing you can do. Surround yourself with loved ones always.

Because like you, I too belong and I too need reminders. But I, like you, cannot afford to fall victim. We must choose to overcome the past pains and let the present healing begin.

The choice will always remain in our hands. Will you be weak like I've currently been and let the devil say you don't belong anywhere. Or will you choose to be strong like I once was and am now choosing to be and believe the truth that you do belong to someone.

I Am Me, Who Are You?

With this being my first blog I owe an obligatory introduction to my future readers. However, to fully introduce myself it would require time that I don't have to write and time you don't have to read. I will still introduce myself, but I plan to to release more information as the blogs go on. 

For now, it's important to know that I am a sinner saved by grace. I love my Lord and God with all my heart. My name is Carrisa with 2 r's and 1's. I find my name reflective of my personality. Just as my name is misspelled I too am flawed. As my name is different, you will come to find I am much different than anyone else you will ever meet. But, I think my name sounds happy overall and overall my nature is happy. 

 I am 23 and will turn 24 this summer. I currently live in Cincinnati Ohio.  I am a complex person yet I am also simple. I care more than most realize and when I love a person, I love fiercely. I don't give my heart to many but the people I give my heart to, I give in its entirety. 

I do not mince words. I plan to be transparent with my readers because I think that honesty and transparency are the two things necessary when helping people. My life goal is to change the world for one person. To change the world is an outlandish dream but to change the world of one makes life worth living. 

I have struggled with many demons and yet am still blessed beyond measure. I plan on sharing my struggles with my readers with the hope that I will be able to take the lessons I've learned and share them with anyone struggling with the same issues. I will use discretion while sharing the information you need to know to help you through a difficult situation. 

Currently, I am right smack dab in the middle of depression. I'm in one of the darkest times of my adult life. I find my moods and my struggles harder to deal with everyday. I am fighting off demons I've lived with my entire life and plan to finally conquer which is why I feel now is the right time to write.  

I believe the Lord will use this time to make something beautiful come out of my life. I trust He will do this. I want you to experience this stage of my life so you can see the process of how He works in peoples lives. So you can see that God is good and worth trusting. 

If you don't trust God yet, I understand. I just ask you don't tune me out and give Him a shot. I promise to never judge or harass anyone for not sharing the same beliefs.  Watch my journey and when it's all said and done if you still don't believe then I won't bother you again. But, I will pray for you and I will love you.